Liturgy.... really?

What is one to do when everyone around him seams like a perfect peace of a well oiled machine. A machine thats been working for what seams like forever. A machine that you feel you are a part of and yet you cant seam to find a place in where you fit just right. You can find places to shimmy your way in to, or places where you can sort of jam your way in, but not a single place where you know you just fit perfectly.

These past few days have been full of realisations. I feel like my ideas, my way of viewing the world and how it works, doesn't just clash with what they all believe but it even seams to insult some of them. I don't understand why, the things that seam so clear, fair, just and simple to me,  apparently are insulting, heretic, and just plain wrong to them. This has happened to me in all sort of different subjects but for today I’ll vent about liturgy.

I mean Ive always been the strange kid, the one that lives outside the box, and I’ve grown use to it, sort of even proud of it. But the problems comes when I’m joining a community so organised and ruled by tradition that seams to want for all of us to think the same way.

Ive been hearing some things lately that are really making noise inside of my head. Things like “You have to wear this and this” “You cant say that even when you know its true” “You have to move your hands this way and don’t even think of doing it differently” and the worst of all “You don't have to understand it, just accept it” I mean really?

And when I try and post a different opinión all of a sudden I’m the bad guy “So you know more that millions of well studied professionals that have studied this over and over do you?” “So you're saying our traditions are out of date and we should just throw them out the window?” “This is what we allow, if you don't want to follow our rules you don't have to be here”. And I guess they are right I don't HAVE to be here, but it turns out I like it here. I feel called to serve my God as a priest. But a priest, and I am doing my best to achieve that. But sometimes I wonder if I really am cut out for this. 

I understand that the church has traditions that cant be broken, and Im not trying to break anything, im just saying:

Ø  I don't think God cares if you lift your hands higher tan the norm tell you to, I think what he wants is for us to lift out hearts and allow him to mould us to his image.

Ø  I don't think God cares how we ring our bells, how we place our candles, or how much incense we use. I think he wants us to live every celebrations as brothers, to respect one and other, and to show gratitud and reverence to He who made us. 

Im not saying liturgy and things like that is wrong or worthless, of course not.

Ø  It helps us a lot by using symbols to show spiritual realities that are not visible to man.

Ø  It helps us by uniting all people in one same rite.

Ø  We need to be respectful and honor our rituals, for they are what unites us with our Lord.

But they are rules that we have come up with over the years. Man kind created rites to be able to have access to the divine. And thats OK. I just want to make one thing clear

The liturgy was given to us by the church, not by Christ. So let us not try and threat it as a divine commandment, let us remember that the only commandment Christ gave us that really matters is to love.